Did Your Spouse Just Reveal A Fetish That You Have No Idea How To Deal With? 3 Tips To Find Help From A Sex Positive Therapist

Sexual fetishes can take many forms. While one person may have an attraction to role-playing, another may be interested in a specific part of the body such as the feet. Although there shouldn't be any shame in having something different that inspires sexual arousal provided that it is legal and consensual, there still remains a stigma about certain fetishes. Your spouse's revelation may be surprising, and it may take you a while to figure out how to respond. Fortunately, you don't have to go through this alone. You can use these three tips to work with a sex-positive therapist to figure out how to react to your spouse's fetish and what this will look like in your marriage.

Explore Your Emotional Reaction

Your first reaction may not be your true feelings about the fetish. For instance, you may feel as though the fetish is shocking, but your true concern may be that your spouse felt the need to hide it from you for this long. Alternatively, you may feel grossed out or even silly at the thought of participating in the fetish. This is often a normal reaction to things that are unfamiliar. Your therapist can help you dive deeper beneath your surface reaction to help you find out what your true thoughts are. This way, you can begin to process your spouse's revelation from a place of true self-understanding.

Determine Your Boundaries

During your therapy sessions, you may discover that you have certain boundaries that must be respected. For example, you may be okay with role-playing but you draw the line at being asked to play in a specific role or scenario. Alternatively, you may not be comfortable with certain aspects of a BDSM lifestyle. Figuring out your boundaries gives you a starting point for working with your spouse to find an agreement for a sexually healthy relationship that you can both live with.

Come to An Agreement Together

There is no right or wrong answer to how you and your spouse should handle the fetish, which is why it helps to work through this in couples therapy. Your agreement may be as simple as waiting a little longer for you to accept the fetish before you try to bring it into your physical relationship. It could also mean that you will try to fulfill your spouse's fetish by taking small steps to help you come to a place of acceptance. Keep in mind that your agreement may change over time. In many cases, couples find that time and communication help them to accept each other's fetishes and learn to enjoy a richer sexual relationship.