Talk To Your Spouse About How You Feel Regarding Secrets

Different couples can have different mindsets about secrets in their relationships. For some people, secrets are simply a part of life and aren't a concern in the least. Others feel that secrets may threaten a relationship. It's worthwhile to explore your feelings about secrets and discuss this area with your spouse.

If you feel as though you need a neutral party to guide you through this potentially challenging subject matter, you can turn to a licensed marriage counselor in your area. A few counseling sessions that focus on secrets can help you and your spouse find common ground. Here are some questions that you'll both want to explore in this environment.

Are They OK?

Perhaps you haven't given much thought to what secrets you may be carrying, or maybe you're constantly aware of the things that you haven't told your spouse. And, you might also be wondering what he or she is keeping from you. Marriage counseling gives you both the opportunity to decide what you feel is appropriate regarding secrets. 

You don't necessarily have to agree that you mustn't keep secrets from one another. Perhaps you come to a consensus that some secrets are acceptable, provided that you don't feel as though their presence is harming your marriage.

When To Bring Them Up?

Marriage counseling can be an appropriate environment to bring up some secrets, especially if you're nervous about how your spouse may react. However, you don't always have to head to the counselor's office in the future when you or your spouse has a secret. Instead, talk about how to create a safe space for bringing them up. For example, you don't want to blurt out a secret before your spouse heads off to work, as this can upset his or her day. It's often better to share secrets when you have some quiet time together that you can use to go over this topic.

How To React To Them?

Some people are tentative to bring up their secrets to their significant others because of concerns over how the other person will react. In marriage counseling, you can practice acting out different methods of reacting to secrets and find some methods that feel authentic to you. For example, it's best to be calm when your spouse divulges a secret, rather than overreact. You should also endeavor to be empathetic to the fact that sharing the secret may be difficult for him or her.

For more information, contact your local marriage and family therapist.